Pulse Page 7

  At least when Wade Quinn was gone and Faith’s heart was smashed into pieces, there would be an empty hand for Liz to hold on to. By then, Liz promised herself, she wouldn’t need Faith’s comfort nearly as much. She would get stronger, less needy. The tables would be turned. Maybe Liz would offer her hand, maybe she wouldn’t.

  Liz wore a rubber band on her wrist; and taking it between the thumb and index finger of her other hand, she pulled it four or five inches away, feeling it dig into her skin on the palm side of her wrist. When she let go, it snapped, stinging almost enough to make her wince. She was happy to feel the pain against her skin, and she realized with some regret that she wasn’t feeling much of anything inside anymore. She sat on the curb at the mall, staring at the empty buildings and wondering what would become of her.

  She didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

  Her Tablet vibrated, and Liz took it out of her pack, touching the perfectly slick screen. A message had arrived from her mother.

  Come home. We need to talk.

  The screen on Liz’s Tablet went black. She swiped her finger across the surface four or five times, but there was nothing. She was confused but not alarmed, turning the Tablet over in her hands, trying to shake it awake.

  “I really have to stop dropping this thing,” she mumbled. But then, turning it over and seeing her dim reflection in the glass, she understood. Her Tablet was dead. It wasn’t broken. It had been turned off.

  She’d wondered for a long time what it would be like when this happened, a light going out in her life.

  “Looks like I won’t be seeing you in class tomorrow.”

  Liz wheeled around and stood up, backing away from a voice she wasn’t completely sure she recognized. Night was gathering around her, and the streetlights had long since stopped working, which made it hard to be completely sure of who it was walking slowly toward her.

  “Dylan? Dylan Gilmore? Is that you?”

  “None other,” he said, stopping five or so feet away and stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. “Tablet’s dead, huh?”

  Liz unconsciously glanced at her Tablet, which felt unexpectedly useless in her hand. Why was she even holding on to it? Unlike Hawk and so many other people, she had actually hated her Tablet from the start. The fact that someone else controlled it, so much so that they could turn it off completely whenever they chose, deeply angered her. Even though its glass screen was the one thing in her life that was as smooth as Noah’s skin, she couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. Liz swung around and faced the empty Old Navy store, then threw the Tablet like it were a tomahawk. It hit the cement wall and fell to the pavement below, scratched but unbroken.

  “You have to hit them really hard or they won’t break,” Dylan said.

  “Believe me, I don’t need any help in that department.”

  Liz, who had damaged her Tablet plenty of times over the years, was not about to let a virtual stranger tell her how to do this. She walked to the Tablet, picked it up, and began banging it against the wall. It didn’t take long to bloody her knuckles on the white, painted surface of the Old Navy store, a little longer to hear the screen of her Tablet crack. She dropped the Tablet on the sidewalk and started stomping on it.

  “I think it’s dead now,” Dylan said, cautiously taking a step closer to her. She didn’t appear to hear him as she continued stomping on the Tablet over and over. It wasn’t until he touched her on the shoulder and she tried to bat his hand away that she finally gave up.

  “Why are you here?!” she yelled. “Just leave me alone.”

  Dylan backed off, watching Liz like he’d stumbled upon a stray dog that might react in any number of ways.

  “It’s cool. I was walking through on my way to somewhere else, thought you looked a little lost, that’s all.”

  “Bullshit.”

  Dylan Gilmore stopped backpedaling as Liz went on. “What’s your deal anyway? You walk around looking all silent and smoldering, don’t talk to anyone. And then you just turn up for no reason right when my parents decide to leave? It’s creepy.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  Liz waited about two seconds to see if Dylan was going to say anything else; and when he didn’t, she decided he wasn’t worth her time.

  “I gotta go,” she said. “Nice knowing you.”

  “No good-bye for Faith or Hawk?”

  Liz was ready to snap. It felt like she was being accused of ditching her friends by someone who had no right getting into her business.

  “You don’t know me. Or them! You don’t know anything. Just stay out of it.”

  Dylan ran a hand through his black hair and stared at his skate shoes, two habits that seemed to help him make up his mind about things when he wasn’t sure what to do. When he looked up and saw that Liz had already begun walking away, he thought it might be too late.

  “If you want me to give them a message, I’ll do that for you. I don’t mind.”

  Liz stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around. Was she so heartless that she’d leave without saying a word, like so many of her friends had done? Hawk was new; it was expected that he wouldn’t necessarily hear from her. But Faith, that was something else. They’d been through so much together.

  “I’ve had to do this, too,” Dylan said. “More than once. I know how hard it is to come up with the right words to say.”

  The offer was tempting, but she barely knew Dylan Gilmore. She’d been at Old Park Hill for only a few weeks, and he’d said maybe two words in all that time. It didn’t feel right sending a message through someone she didn’t trust. What if he got it all wrong? And besides, it was too personal. She’d want to say she loved them, would miss them terribly, wished she could stay. She wasn’t about to say those things to a guy she didn’t know.

  “If you see them, tell them I’ll be waiting on the other side, and I hope they don’t forget me. Tell them I’m sorry. I didn’t get to choose this.”

  Dylan didn’t speak for a long moment. He wanted to give her space in case there was more.

  “That it?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. Now do me a favor and leave me alone.”

  Liz started walking away without a second glance. She wished Dylan would leave, but she could feel him still staring at her even before he spoke.

  “When you get to the State, be on the lookout for a message; will you at least do that much for me?”

  “I don’t even know you, so no, I won’t.”

  “The message won’t be from me. It’ll be from someone else.”

  Whatever game Dylan was playing had finally sent Liz over the edge. She turned around to let him have it. She was already halfway into the first blistering sentence before she realized that Dylan Gilmore was gone. It was like he’d never been there to begin with.

  “And don’t come back!” Liz yelled. She began to sob and kicked her broken Tablet down the sidewalk in frustration. She looked off in the direction of the gym and wondered if she had time to run and find Faith so she could take back everything she’d said.

  A white van pulled up silently behind her, and the side door opened with a whisper, inviting her inside. Liz wiped the tears from her eyes and thought about running. She took one last look in the direction of the school and gave in to the inevitable.

  Chapter 7

  Business as Usual

  When Faith sat up in bed, it felt like she’d polished off two bottles of ancient wine the night before without any help from her fellow partygoers. She held her head in her hands and tried to remember what could have possibly made her feel this way. She’d only gotten wasted once in her entire life, more than a year ago, and that had been enough to convince her that partying wasn’t her thing. It had begun at a friend’s house before a rare dance put on by one of the schools she used to attend. The friend, Tess, had whipped together some sort of crazy concoction that tasted like orange juice but packed a punch big enough to level a rhino in two cups or less. Faith had guzzled down three l
arge cups before she knew what she was doing, and all at once she’d gone buzzy in the head. An hour later she had been throwing up all over the dance floor.

  It had been a total flame out, and for that she was thankful. If she’d slowly experimented with partying, she would probably still be using whatever she could find to dull the pain she felt from one day to the next. Instead, she’d had such a bad experience that one time, she’d never gone back.

  “What happened to me last night?” she asked out loud. When she stood, Faith felt an immediate need to throw up and ran to the bathroom. A half hour later she was standing in the shower, turning up the heat every thirty seconds until the room filled with steam. The sound of a message arriving on her Tablet pinged into the soupy air, and she knew it was time to get moving. She’d pieced together what could be remembered and found herself in an angry mood. She remembered a fight with Liz, walking away with Wade, something about a car and the feel of Wade’s chest against her palms. And Drifters. She remembered Drifters.

  The Tablet pinged again—more messages—and Faith turned off the shower. Leaning down to dry her legs made her head pound, so she pulled on her old fleece robe and sat heavily on her bed.

  Her Tablet was lying next to her. She picked it up and started reading through the messages. The first one was from her mom, reminding her to visit the distribution center for their monthly ration of cheese and flour. Faith messaged her back—okay, I won’t forget—and fished a pair of socks out of her drawer. It was easier to put them on sitting down than standing up, and the shower had made her feel a little more human again. The second message was like a repeat of the first, but this time it was from her dad. They liked to double down on reminders.

  The next message was from Hawk, and it got her moving even faster.

  Standing outside your door; didn’t want to wake you. How are you holding up?

  Maybe Hawk knew more than she did and could tell her what had happened the night before. She typed out a message—be right down, give me five—and finished getting ready, combing her wet hair into a ponytail and applying the most basic makeup she could get away with. She slid on the new pair of jeans Hawk had basically stolen from the Eastern State and felt better still. They fit perfectly. She could already imagine how they’d turn Wade’s head at school.

  Thinking of Wade got her thinking of Liz, and her memory began to spark on a moment standing outside the school. She couldn’t quite remember what was said, but there was a pit in her stomach that told her she’d chosen Wade over Liz, and it had not gone well. As she walked downstairs, she did something very Liz-like, messaging her while she went.

  How you doing? We okay? I miss you. Let’s talk.

  She shook her head at how random and stupid it all sounded, but hit SEND anyway, then opened the front door. Hawk was sitting on the tiny front porch cross-legged, typing furiously into his Tablet.

  “We’re going to be late for sure,” Hawk said, standing up so fast it made Faith feel woozy just watching him. “Should we say we were attacked by zombies and go make something cheesy in your kitchen?”

  “I’m thinking kitchen,” Faith said, realizing how hungry she was. She gestured to her new jeans, and Hawk nodded approvingly.

  “Perfect fit. Good thing, because I don’t think they’re returnable.”

  “How about I pay you in eggs?”

  “Deal.”

  As they walked toward the kitchen, Faith wished Liz was there with them. It wasn’t the same without her, and she hadn’t messaged back yet. Faith set her Tablet on the kitchen table and got the eggs out of the fridge. There were four left for the week, but she was fine sharing them.

  “So listen,” Hawk said. He was more fidgety than usual, picking up the salt and pepper shakers and setting them back down again, spinning them around on the flat wood surface. “I’m not sure how you want to handle this. I mean, I don’t want to get all sad on you. Sucks though. Really, really sucks.”

  Faith felt a nervous chill run from her head to her toes and leaned over the sink, sure she was going to vomit.

  “You okay? You don’t look so good.”

  “I’m fine. Just a little tired is all. Late night.”

  What had she done? She must have gotten wasted with Wade or maybe after they parted and gone and made a total ass of herself. She wished more than anything that she could just remember.

  Her Tablet pinged with a message, which only made her more anxious. It would be from Liz, telling her what a loser she was. It was going to take some work to sort this all out, and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to do it. All she really wanted to do was take three aspirins and go back to bed. She picked up one of the four eggs and considered its surface, which made her think of Liz and her obsession with the way things felt. The egg was cold and smooth in her hand. It was oddly comforting against the softness of her palm. She used her free hand to slide her Tablet closer on the kitchen counter, spinning it right side up so she could see who the message was from. There was a long pause, a fragile silence in which the birds could be heard singing outside the open window. The egg slipped out of Faith’s hand and hit the floor, and she felt the clear liquid splash her new jeans.

  Faith looked up at Hawk and finally understood why he was acting so strange.

  “She’s gone.”

  An uncomfortable silence followed before Hawk blurted out, “I thought you knew. I’m sorry.” He didn’t know how to keep going. He wasn’t all that good in social situations involving girls in tight jeans anyway. So he said the only other thing that came to mind and hoped it was enough. “Sucks, right?”

  Faith couldn’t believe the message on her Tablet. She’d been so sure there would be time to make things right with Liz, to talk it all out and get back to where they were. To hold hands and walk to the grade school and read real books. The response to her message told her none of that was going to happen.

  Elizabeth Brinn has been moved to the Western State. User account deactivated.

  “She didn’t contact you?” Hawk asked, because he didn’t know what else to say.

  “No, she didn’t,” Faith said.

  And then she turned to the sink and threw up.

  Hawk was having some problems of his own, but he knew it wasn’t the right moment to bring it up with Faith. He’d only known her for a few weeks, and yet he could tell she was coming apart at the seams. Any idiot could see that much.

  His Tablet had turned up missing three more times since that first night at the grade school. Each time he would have sworn it was right next to him, only to look over and see that it had vanished into thin air. Each time it was gone a little longer, pushing the limits of his fragile psyche. Either he was slowly losing his mind—a real possibility—or someone was messing with him. He could only think of one person to confront about it, and so he left Faith and found Wade Quinn.

  “Look, little man, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sounds to me like you’ve been doing more than just baking the goods.”

  Wade was a dick; there were no two ways about it as far as Hawk was concerned. But the guy had access to a ton of Coin. He always had a lot of cash in his Tablet account, and he was always happy to spend it.

  “Seriously, are you messing with me?” Hawk asked. “Because I’m not lowering my price again. Wire Codes are tricky. Plus I could get in real trouble, man, like huge.”

  It was not Hawk’s proudest moment, groveling in front of Wade Quinn, who also happened to be his only customer. “Just tell me—are you taking my Tablet or not?”

  Wade smiled as he looked up from the bench on which he was sitting. Clara was sitting next to him, smug as usual, not saying a word.

  “I think you’re paranoid. Most drug dealers are.”

  “I’m not a drug dealer. That’s a low blow. You’re making me do this, remember?”

  “Well, I’m not taking your Tablet. Why would I even do that? I hate carrying one of them around, let alone two.”

  “I don’t believe you.
You’re pissed off because I bought stuff for your girlfriend. Dude, she’s totally out of my league. I’m not even in her universe. Just do me a favor and leave my Tablet alone, okay? It’s nerve-racking enough making this stuff for you all the time.”

  “You’re spending Coin on gifts for girls?” Clara asked. Hawk considered Clara the highest-ranking a-hole in the entire world. He couldn’t stand how condescending she was.

  “Actually, it’s none of your business what I spend my Coin on. And while we’re at it, I’m not making any more Wire Codes for you guys. I’m done.”

  Hawk was a hell of a hacker. He hadn’t paid for pants and shirts for Faith and Liz; he’d programmed around that little problem. All the money he’d ever made was stacked up in Coin in different online accounts. He was loaded, but he was also tiny and generally afraid of large people, one of whom had gotten up off the bench.

  “I think you should keep making Wire Codes when I’m willing to pay for them,” Wade said. “It’s in your best interest.”

  “I’m not doing that.”

  “Wanna bet?” Wade was standing about two inches from Hawk, staring down at him from an alarming height advantage.

  “Yeah, I wanna bet,” Hawk said. He had an ace up his sleeve and decided it was time to play it. “I saw Faith this morning. You know, your girlfriend? She’s not too much into the party scene. Looked to me like someone the morning after their first Wire Code. Why do you suppose that is?”

  “Is this urchin trying to blackmail you?” Clara asked. She was genuinely surprised.

  “All I know is, the day after, for a first timer, there’s not much memory to go on. Very fragmented. I’m guessing you’d rather she didn’t know you slipped her a Wire Code without her agreeing to it. Anything else happen you don’t want her to know about?”

  Wade’s hands were shaking. Hawk thought Wade could probably crush every bone in his body using nothing but his pinkie, but he didn’t back down.